


Train Robbers

by Thorinsmut



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Complete, Crime, Kissing, M/M, One Shot, Western AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 11:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12746991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorinsmut/pseuds/Thorinsmut
Summary: The Company will do anything they can to bleed Smaug's business dry. Including high-speed train robbery.Nori, of course, is in his element.





	Train Robbers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [braidedribbon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/braidedribbon/gifts).



> Originally posted on tumblr, where it was paired with some exciting news:  
> <http://thorinsmut.tumblr.com/post/167282252408/train-robbers>

The trick was never to do it the same way twice.

Sure, the end result was always the same—bags that had held gold were opened on the other end to reveal useless mining dross, or river stones, or something equally worthless—but the way it was done changed every time.

Hold up the train once, and make enough noise threatening the passengers that nobody notices the gold from the cargo getting dropped out onto the tracks. They hire muscle to guard the train? Make a distraction while the train’s being loaded, and switch out the carts. They hire someone to monitor the cargo in the train station? Make a traffic snare on the way there, and unload it out the back of the stopped cart in the bustle. They put it in a locked safe, and have the man with the key travel separately? Abduct the man, impersonate him to accept the safe, take a little detour on the way to the bank to unload the goods, and deliver the safe full of horse manure. Be long gone by the time anyone realizes.

The business was being bled dry, the costs of hiring people to protect their earnings mounting with each successful heist, and no money coming in to counterbalance it. The inside man—Bilbo Baggins, all but invisible working as a clerk—reported that Smaug’s entire company was poised to go bankrupt if the next shipment didn’t make it through. Six months of earnings, held under extraordinary security and far less secrecy than Smaug expected, were loaded onto the train.

And then, in the long empty reaches as it roared cross-country, was the time to strike. Not to hold up the train, they’d done that before. The tactic this time was different enough that the precautions taken were utterly useless.

Nori was in the first group, bandanna over his face and his fast mare restless beneath him, feeling his anticipation. Bifur, up in a tree as lookout, barked out the ten second warning, five, three, two, and Nori spurred his mare into a gallop with Bofur and Bombur on their slower mounts just behind him. They broke from the trees far enough behind the engine that the engineer couldn’t see them, and closed in on cargo cars.

The train was fast, and had been bribed to go faster, but they _had_ to slow for the curve just ahead or risk derailing. Slow enough a fast horse could overtake them.

 _There_ , a cargo door was opening, and a huge and heavily armed security guard was standing in it. Nori held in his triumphant whoop as Dwalin braced himself in the doorway and held a hand out for him.

This was one of the tricky bits. If the mare stumbled or shied at the wrong moment, Nori would break his neck, if not go under the wheels. He rode up as close as he could, climbing up on the saddle as he grabbed Dwalin’s arm and was swung safely into the car.

The mare peeled away, with no hand on the reins, but that was all a part of the plan. Bofur and Bombur would collect both her and the gold, following the tracks. It was all timed to the second, but Nori spared the time to kiss Dwalin. It had been a _long_ few months apart as Dwalin built up the trust needed to be hired to protect the shipment.

Dwalin’s kiss was deep and hungry, his powerful arms tight around Nori, but both of them knew better than to get lost in it. They drew apart, smiling, and Dwalin’s hand remained possessively at the small of Nori’s back as he led him to the car with the safe.

This particular safe was built right into the car. Even blowing the entire car might not be enough to break it open. Luckily, the Company had an expert in Nori. He stepped over the snoring bodies of the rest of the security guards—Oin’s potion seemed to have worked a treat— and lay against the safe with an ear pressed tight to it.

The combination lock was new, slick and smooth, but Nori was familiar with the manufacturer. _There_ , the telltale snick as the tumblers settled into place, the next, and then, slow and gentle, _click_ as the final one dropped.

Nori pried the safe open, and shook his hand admiringly in lieu of whistling at the neat sacks of gold coins. The dynamite on top of it, set to a clumsily executed movement sensor, was unexpected. Still, it was easily bypassed. Didn’t cost Nori more than thirty seconds, less than they’d budgeted for in their worst estimates of how long it would take Nori to get the safe open.

Dori arrived right on time, neatly stashing the drinks cart and stripping out of his pretty stewardess dress to reveal the sensible riding clothes he had on underneath. He had the bags of all the rubbish the passengers had produced thus far in the trip, and eagerly exchanged them for the gold Dwalin was tossing out of the train as fast as he could carry it.

Nori locked the safe back up, nice and tight, with just a few moments to spare. They were approaching the hill at the top of which was his and Dori’s exit.

“Good work,” Dwalin said. He wrapped Nori’s long braid around his fingers, just for a moment. He begged with his eyes, lonely and wanting more than they had the time for here.

Nori kissed him again, just a brief peck. “I’ll see you on the other side. Best join your men now.”

Dwalin raised his drugged flask in a toast, acknowledging it. “As soon as you’re safe. I’ll… I’ll be seeing you.”

If all went well, it was Dori who would be the suspect, and no woman of Dori’s description existed to be found. Dwalin might get in a little trouble for having accepted drink from ‘her’ while on the job, and for sharing it around, but if it went well he shouldn’t be in any legal trouble.

There was no guarantee it _would_ go well. Smaug was going to be _very_ angry, there was no telling who he would lash out at.

But that was a worry for another day. The train inevitably slowed up the hill, and here came Fili and Kili on their racing geldings. Dori went first, handed out safely behind Fili, and then it was Nori’s turn to climb onto Kili’s back.

The wind and the clattering of the wheels caught any words he and Dwalin might have said to each other. Dwalin lingered in the opened doorway for a long moment. Nori saluted him, as Kili slowed the gelding and the train began to pick up speed again.

Dwalin nodded and closed the door.

Another heist pulled off, with none the wiser. They’d topple the kingdom Smaug and his ilk had built on their backs yet.


End file.
